Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Nov 26, 2009

This and that..

Human nature is so funny.. no wait, it can't be called funny, maybe interesting is a better word. You really have no idea what to expect sometimes.. not from others, not from yourself.
HUmans themselves are such fickle creatures, they change like a chameleon's colours, and often what is on the surface is exactly what is not real!
Everyday throws something unexpected at you, and sometimes, even if you had planned for it in some long ago time, you don't react they way you expected to. Sometimes its difficult to even explain your reaction. Are you happy? sad? confused? that is a word I seem to rely on a lot. nowadays. When its difficult to explain, even to yourself what exactly you feel like that particular day.. happy, sad, depressed, irritated? What when it is all that, and yet none exactly?
And when someone inspires some strong emotion in you.. be it love, hate, anger.. expressing it sometimes is not an option, for whatever reasons..whether it is for your own reasons, for someone who is close to you, or just because its not the right thing to do.
Life seems to be filled with such moments daily.. and there are always endless more thought provoking sessions.

Nov 15, 2009

Questions..

Been doing a lot of thinking recently, there have been a lot of changes in life to make me think.. a lot of changes in me itself.
How do you judge yourself? How do you compare yourself? When is it that you really know you are a honest, decent, forthright, sensible human being. Forget about everything else, forget being a student, artist, writer, or whatever else it is that you are/could be/ or want to be. What about that simple question, who are you as a person?

A lengthy conversation about the difference in people, their maturity, ages resulted in a lot of confusion. When do I know its ok to follow the rules, or when is it pandering to others demands? when is ok to be a good girl, by-the-books? When does that become 'People-pleaser'? How often can you take liberties and be 'what I want' without it affecting others? And how much does my age affect my thinking, I may be strong in my convictions, but will time or age prove me wrong? How jaded are those older and 'wiser' than me? and how wrong are we both?

Come to another question..
Is it a crime to have had a happy life? Is it my fault I cannot say I have a fucked-up life? Can I not make important decisions, have a relationship, work or even be a human being if I have not suffered any tragedies? Who makes anyone else the judge? And how do they judge? based on their own experiences isn't it? So if you haven't been ill treated by your family/ peers, if you haven't suffered rejection from a thousand people, if you don't have divorced parents you aren't a person to respect? Is that it?!
I HAVE had a happy childhood, and I HAVE had my share of problems...they may not be as life changing or traumatic as others but that life is what has shaped me so far. People I have met, people I might have lost, people still in my life.There are many incidents, yet when I have to recount one happy or sad one, I most often come up blank. I dont understand that myself, maybe I have memory problems.

Everyday there is something that makes me think some more., Sometimes I want to shut my brain off! There's too much to think, too much to ponder and question.. Too much that I wish to have or run away from!
Everyday I meet someone who affects me in some way, makes me rethink something, maybe even changes my life in some small way. Maybe it is that girl who leaves the tap running in the basin as she soaps her hands, maybe its that person who strikes this instant chord of attraction in me? There is too much to do, see, experience, and be.

And this brings me back to judging myself. When do I know any damn thing! When can I say I believe in my convictions, and how right they may be? When do I stop being affected by everyone or everything, and when will that make me something uncaring and unemotional?

Change.. that is what life seems to revolve around. Everyday is different, in terms of experience, people, thoughts, work, even weather. Maybe i just change myself every time, maybe thats who I'm destined to be. I don't have the answers, but I sure hope God up there does, that there is some thread of destiny holding this all together, and it doesn't snap by mistake anytime soon.